Fresh-Like: Why I'm decentering work after losing my sister
I never want to force myself to write for this blog just to hit some arbitrary deadline. If I’m hitting publish, it’s because something needs to be dragged out of my brain and into the light.
There are a million things I could write about, but choosing the ones actually worth my time (and yours) is the tricky part.
That said, if you ever spot a hidden gem or flaming flop in some deranged social experiment disguised as marketing, drop me a line. I love a good deep dive.
Anyway. I fought hard not to write this post because death is inconvenient, sad and forced memories that you know you can never recreate because that person is gone. When my sister passed (1 year-2 months-3 weeks and 2 days ago), it was like my entire nervous system short-circuited. People say their world stops. And I used to call bullshit, but that is the best way to describe it.
I screamed. I cried. Until my face was unrecognizable from the swelling under my eyes. I’ve had migraines before, but this one lasted for weeks.
She died on the job.
She was an overcommitted Personal Support Worker. The go-to person. The one who showed up for everyone—inside and outside of work. And yet, the day she passed, it was business as usual.
I didn’t know after a series of events, it would lead me to this.
I stumbled across a TikTok (because of course I did), and it was talking about decentering work. And suddenly, it clicked. I finally had the language for something I’d been feeling and doing for a while.
Fresh-like approach
This is exactly why I started this Substack—because work was swallowing my life whole. And even though I like to work, I also need to get back to what lights me up.
Writing.
Not for a magazine byline or brand guest post but for me.
Because job titles were becaming my entire identity, and the last time I let that happen, I spiralled. It’s why you won’t catch me doing those “Thrilled to join *company*!” posts on LinkedIn anymore. I get that the whole purpose of the briefcase app is to publicly pledge allegiance to your employer, but… doesn’t anyone else find it a little weird?
I mean—the economy is shifting like a glitchy Sims world. Workplace rules are chaotic. Orgs are being restructured every quarter, if not more. The idea of staying with one company for a decade is something our parents did. We won’t.
So, where does that leave us?
How we view expertise is no longer about tenure—it’s about track record: Competence. Presence. Impact.
Professionalism has nothing to do with how you look—it’s how you deliver.
Hella Perspective: The Wicked redefinition of professionalism →
Can you show ROI? Leverage synergies? Run it up the flagpole? Boil the ocean? Or translate corporate Duolingo?
NONE of that has anything to do with the other half of your life. And YET, for some of us—myself included—it gets lost in the blur of our professional selves.
Maybe it’s time to step back.
Not to disengage—but to reclaim the parts of ourselves that don’t come with a paycheck.
So I’m on that discovery.
Who am I without the role, the title, or the company logo stamped behind my name?
If I’m not “Senior Insert Impressive Title Here at Respected Company™,” then what’s left? What do I actually enjoy outside of productivity hacks and industry insights? Am I still ambitious if my ambition isn’t tied to a job description?
I don’t have all the answers yet. But what I do know is this: I refuse to have my headstone read business as usual.
And before you ask, decentering work isn’t about doing less—it’s about making sure work isn’t the only interesting thing about you.
So, what’s the less morbid alternative?
Prioritizing Autonomy
I didn’t stumble into my marketing career—I strategically stacked my skills.
Three credentials deep in social service, IT, and marketing, I was making all kinds of zigzag moves that didn’t make a lick of sense at the time. But breaking into tech did. It felt like getting into an exclusive sorority—one where the title, the paycheck, and the respect were the ultimate flex. I had something to prove.
But then, the same company that once gave me that warm, fuzzy sense of belonging decided it didn’t need me anymore. Laid off. And let me tell you, the first time was crippling. The second time? Infuriating because trailing behind it was my sister’s funeral.
And I finally got the memo: work will never grieve you.
It’s then I realized I didn’t just want a seat at the table—I wanted the ability to walk away from it if it no longer served me. Autonomy over attachment. That’s the goal now.
Bigger Than the Title
At first, success meant getting in the room. Getting the title. Getting the paycheck. I measured my worth in corporate acceptance letters like Ivy League admissions.
But when that job got pulled from under me, it forced me to ask: What was I really building?
If I had to start over from scratch every time, then clearly, I wasn’t playing big enough. That layoff didn’t end me—it recalibrated me.
Redirecting your building efforts into something that can catch you when you fall is a skill set they don’t teach in school. Being unfirable is not about gripping your PTO tightly. It’s about building a network that opens doors.
A foundation so strong that even if a job disappears, your value doesn’t.
Work Can’t Be the Main Character
I wouldn’t change a thing about my career journey.
Not the struggle, not the heartbreak, not the frustration. Because every time I lost a job, I found myself. Now, I don’t let work consume me—I let it support me. The difference is I put ME as the priority. And ME will always have my back.
Decenter work by making sure you’re the one in control of your autonomy, purpose, and life.
And because old habits are hard to break, I’ve done what any recovering taskmaster would—I’ve established a set of guiding principles to keep me accountable.
I invite you to explore what decentering work looks like for you, too. Maybe it’s setting firmer boundaries, reclaiming your time, or not announcing your next role on LinkedIn. And if you have a better way to do it—or a hobby recommendation that doesn’t involve running at 6AM—drop me a line. I’m all ears.
The Decentered Work Credo
I am not my job.
I am more than a title, a salary, or a performance review.
Work supports my life—it does not define it.
At my best, I give my energy to what matters.
I commit to excellence, but I reject burnout as a badge of honor.
Overwork is not a virtue—it is a failure of boundaries.
I choose autonomy.
I build options not just for financial freedom but for leverage.
A paycheck is not my safety net.
My skills, my adaptability, my network—that is my foundation.
I embrace seasons.
Some years are for acceleration. Some are for stillness.
There is strength in knowing when to push forward and when to step back.
Not every year needs to be a hustle year.
I measure milestones beyond work.
I refuse to let my greatest accomplishment be how much PTO saved.
The best moments in life are not tracked in KPIs.
They are found in experiences, in relationships, in personal growth.
I work hard. But I work smarter.
I build. I grow. I live.
And in doing so, I choose ME.
👋🏾 Soooo…collective illusion is public enemy number one—Don’t Believe The Hype. Every so often, we’ll say the quiet parts out loud (in your inbox). So we can cancel or co-sign marketing or market trends and discern pop culture gems from flops together. And start making sense of the nonsense online.